59 days, but who’s counting? haha!

Sadly, I feel that hate has prevailed through the person I thought I knew and loved and trusted. There is nothing to do but to keep my chin up and carry on. It takes two, not just one, and the one he blames is me. If anyone has bad feelings about him it is because of ME, he said for sharing my feelings on Facebook. Still blaming me after 22 years and a divorce pending. It never has stopped and never will. He catches all my “mean” remarks in text messages, but yet seems to slam me more on the phone, where he can’t leave a trail of what he really is like. What is he like? I have no idea. I no longer know the person I married way back when. I know we turned each other into different people.

At this time, as always, anything that happens or will happen is my fault. I’m used to that. It’s happened too many times to count, followed by the days of silence and walking by without acknowledgement. I think I would rather be beat up than be emotionally dissed for as long as I was. Dang, I seriously started thinking it was ALL my fault. How crazy? My children have affirmed and reaffirmed that I am their mother and a loving mother at that and they are comforted by the fact they come first in my life. I am only responsible for my actions. I’m not one to say bad things about people, (although this past year brought out a Robin I didn’t know for a bit) I don’t feel as though I need to say anything bad about anyone. I TRULY believe in karma, no hate or discontent goes along with that, but I truly believe people will face experiences that will hurt them just as bad as they hurt any other. In the craziness of it all, I just hope those heartless and uncaring people learn something about love and compassion, so they CAN reach out and be human. And try to repair the relationships with my sons, without just keeping it superficial and “not talked about”.

I wish for people to just feel connected……..whether it is an occasional kind word or a short upbeat visit to say hi, just any gesture to make someone’s day a bit brighter. It has a great rippling effect and our world needs the rippling effect of love and compassion as well.

Okay, my blurb for now. Healing every single day. No time to extend energy to such unavailable  people. Some people “get it” and some people “don’t have a clue” 😉 the best thing about it, I’m learning who is who 😉


Words, words, words……..

Words, words, and more words. Just like thoughts, they come and go and I try to make sense of them all. It’s like a whirlwind of emotions that just swirl incessantly. I must slow down the words, the thoughts, the emotions.

Breaker! Breaker! Come in Stanley 36…….. I don’t know. That’s a passing thought that comes my way. The days of spending many days on Gott’s Island and calling my friend on his boat. I just never know where the thoughts begin and end.

It’s amusing, it’s stressful, it’s confusing, but it is my thought system. When I notice the thoughts doing their thing and dancing in such madness, I must stop and reflect. Today, I decided to sit and write for a bit.

I have waited a long time for this upcoming travel. Years of visiting doctor after doctor, facility after facility……trying acupuncture, chiropractic, physical therapy, massage therapy, puking up one pain pill after another, trying all kinds of treatments to alleviate the pain in my back. It has worn me down. Yes, down to this point of, almost, desperation. Is it desperation? Is it just finally coming to the end of the options? Or is it the time I have been waiting for? Will I find relief? Will I get worse? I have no idea and that purely scares the hell out of me. I must remember I’m headed to some top specialists.

Yes, the words. They come and they go and they come and they go. I must breathe. The thoughts must slow down. I know that. I can do that. I think.

I will see my son, Asa. I miss him so much and it is hard to portray to him, without becoming the obsessing overdramatic, overbearing mother that I know I could be! ha! We look forward to spending some time together, especially the Boston Celtics taking on the Philadelphia 76er’s! It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a professional basketball game. It will be fun and I look forward to the two friends he has invited to share our tickets!

After, hopefully, a VICTORY, I will then leave the next day to head over to Wayne to the Laser Spine Institute. It will be my initial visit and hopefully I will find out some answers, but most of all, some relief. I trust I have come this far to be in the right place. I am going on that, and the journey will begin soon.

I have waited so long and now the time has come. I shall do this. I can do this. Words, words, words. I can. I can. I can. Stanley 36, Come in, Lyford.

My Inner Monkey


How does one contemplate and decide what is the single most important thing in their life and why? Well, I obsessed, sweated profusely, palpitated and all the other feelings and emotions that occur when trying to figure out such a thought provoking question. A justifiable process indeed! Well, after many “inner” emotional discussions, I, surprisingly, came to the decision rather quickly. It is something that puts all things into one basket, because I feel it just can’t be possible to name one certain thing. Let me explain myself a bit.

We all enter this world through the womb of our mothers, and from the moment we make our entrance, our experiences begin. We all evolve from the same place and in the same way, but, oh, how we are so different. I feel my life experiences and environments created the evolvement of my thinking and personality. Along the way, I had to explore the paths which were put in front of me and decide which path was correct for me. Who knows what is right and what is wrong? We all take such different paths and evolve in our own ways. It is so cool!

It’s amazing the things that we learn as we go along the path of life. The journey of experiences, good and bad, help in such big ways to make us become the people we are today. So many attributes to figure out, and trying to “find” our personalities in a world of such diversity certainly comes with certain trials and tribulations. As I have become older, I have taken those experiences to levels that were appropriate, and maybe, sometimes, not so appropriate. To sum it up, though, I can honestly reflect and say that I have enjoyed most all parts of my life.

Don’t you agree that as we strive for success in our lives, that we need to stay focused, get serious and expend much effort to becoming the people we wish to be? I have attained college degrees, in which I am very proud. I have worked hard, played hard and will continue to do the same, until I can no longer do those things.

As I ponder the question of what I find most important in my life and why, my mind sprouts in many different directions. First it sprints to the most practical of all…..health, family and friends. Then, I find, it spins off to my inner spirituality and harmony that feeds my life and creates the energy that drives me. Oh, the decisions I have had to make! However, I have spent time deciding what I will ultimately consider the most important thing in my life…….at this point, anyway.

As much as I believe the fact that I stated about staying serious and focused, I also lean to the flip side, finding great devotion to entertainment. For without entertainment, I, personally don’t feel I could maintain that balance to make my journey complete. And, so goes the most important thing in my life…….

It all started with a sock. A brown, white, and red sock. Simple, huh? Ah, I thought so, as well. As this sock was being formed, I am sure it had NO idea the purpose it would have in my life. It has brought much joy to me and to the many others that have joined me at particular times.

It is a small thing, yet so big in my perspective of completeness! In my life, I spend much time with my family and friends. I spend many hours taking care of my family, kayaking, boating, skiing, hiking, meditating, biking, and all the aspects of life that keep me active and

entertained. When I spend time with those I enjoy, I have been known to add a little twist to make things a little bit more entertaining and unpredictable. After all, laugh much as life is short!

You see, this sock…….the brown, white and red sock? It was created and made into a sock monkey. Yes! My Monkey. My Monkey is important in many ways and I want to explain to you why the Monkey has become such a “center force” for me! The Monkey represents the twist I need in my life. It represents, in my own personal

way, the most important things in life. It shows humor, it is comforting, it does not judge, it helps to initiate conversations and helps to join people together. The Monkey entertains and bonds with most everyone it meets and most of all, it shows people how simple life can be and that it is okay to be simple. Yes, I said simple, not whacked, but both of those together just create perfect harmony for me!

Let me tell you about my Monkey. The Monkey has no gender. It is a simple representation of my inner self and in many ways, my inner child. It stays neutral in all situations. The monkey is a presence that allows me to divert my attention away from the stresses

and more serious aspects of my life. It allows me the escape I need to stay focused at other times, when I need to be more serious about life’s challenges.

It’s all about balance, and with balance, comes humor. I find great comfort in simplicity and yes, the Monkey is quite simple. You see the Monkey does a lot important things for me. It allows me to escape to a world of humor. It accompanies me on trips and has been as far as Florida, with other travels to South Carolina, New York, Connecticut, and as far away at Italy and the Caribbean.. It stays nearby with me, on the rivers and streams that I kayak and every weekend when we go to Sugarloaf in the winter months, and stays in my vehicle as my guardian monkey. This monkey has represented the humor that we all need to have in our lives. It has been photographed as much as Princess Diana, I believe, with common acquaintances, as well as with the many strangers we have spent time with in our travels. The Monkey has a way of initiating conversations where you normally would not speak to strangers. It opens the doors for people to talk and the conversations that have been started are incredible to even think about. It has brought people closer, because of the way the Monkey allows people to feel at ease. After all, it isn’t hard to talk about a monkey.

Ah, yes, it seems all so silly, but the Monkey is a part of my life and represents, for me, the way I want to live it. It, actually, feeds my inner child, which needs to be nurtured in ways maybe considered a little whacky to others. For as we grow and experience on our journeys, we must nurture that inner child, or for me, my “inner monkey.” It brings humor, which is the basis for all life’s circumstances. If I didn’t have that balance in my life, I don’t feel as though I could be productive and present for those other important things, such as my family. It all starts with the inner self or inner child. I’m hoping that others can find their inner self and create

experiences for themselves that can only bring light and good perspective to all situations. Life can be a bit challenging and how boring it would be without those challenges.

So there, you have it. The story of the 4 inch sock monkey being the most representative of the most important thing in my life……. my inner child. My mind works in such ways that only the Monkey and I can understand. Here’s to all of our “inner monkeys!”

a whole new world of blog…..

As I create my own personal blogging site, I reflect on why I want to do this. I know, but yet I don’t know. I believe it is going to be a fun adventure. Or at least, I am expecting it will be an adventure of sorts, let’s say. An adventure of the unknown.

I am not a great writer by any means, but I try and just go with it. Nothing professional, that’s for certain. I aim for perfection, but don’t always obtain it and that is just plain okay. This site awaits further growth and will, probably, be “under construction” for a long time. Woot! Woot! Onward!

The research has been a bit grueling, but in my research, I have discovered a whole new and amazing world of people who are willing to open up about themselves and write such “sharing of thoughts” for others to read and contemplate. Likey, like I say!

I have seen people write on certain topics from random subjects such as public forums and polls, personal stories, political blurbs, to inspirational and heartwarming stories and experiences, and to educational sites that I find  intriguing and most thought provoking.

I believe I have found my niche for entertainment. Television has not always been entertaining for me and I find myself yearning for words. Words. Letters. Sentences. Paragraphs. Endless thoughts. Interacting. Communicating. Sharing. Being human. I find myself even more intrigued with this blogging idea than I thought.

Social media is great for many things and I find that, just as in life, it has its introverts and stalkers and those that just like to read about your life, yet not participate by feedback or even by sharing their own posts. I’d rather fulfill my desire to write with those who share that love of writing.

I’m open to feedback, critiques on my writing, thoughts about the topics and just plain brutal honest feedback and opinions. Let’s share!

So, when I come to the question, to blog or not to blog? I say, BLOG IT, let’s get on with it.

Thanks for all those who share their blogs. I look forward to some great reading and inspiration.

For those of you who wish to participate, please message me and when my blog goes private, I will make sure that you are still included in posts. If you happen to blog and want to share, please send my YOUR blog.

I’m so blogging excited!


at the bottom of each blog page, you can look back at previous posts….I’m slowly learning this stuff 😉



The Twins had their special day!

Today was the chosen day of the year that the twins got to be prodded, flattened, twisted and whatever it takes to get them properly examined for the nasty word, cancer. Yes, the mammogram is done and over with.

As I found it unusually painful today, I reflected the entire time on my friend and others  that are treating breast cancer and  going through procedures to irradicate its nasty presence! I’ve seen what it can do, should it go undetected……and what it does even when it is detected early. It is life changing and what a way to wake up your awareness of life and how precious it truly is! I can’t imagine hearing the word, but I’m positive it is a horrible word to hear. With new technology it is not as incurable as it used to be, which is encouraging.

My Nana had a mastectomy after age 80, and she told me she didn’t realize how much it would mean to her to lose a breast. I was never impressed with the way the surgeon left her cosmetically, but I don’t really know that much about it and how much elasticity the skin has, at that age. The most important thing was that they removed the cancerous tumor, and we enjoyed almost another fifteen years  with her.

Anywho, the twins are healthy. So far, so good. Now to schedule my husband’s colonoscopy that he keeps putting off. HA!

An ounce of prevention…….

here a blog, there a blog….just for fun

Greetings! You’ve found this seed of a blog in the world of the internet. Should I say lucky you? ha! How about, Welcome!!

It’s not a grand page of sorts, but a fun page for me to write my thoughts and to share and interact with those who wish to participate. Nothing magnificent or maybe even highly intelligent, but it’s from the heart……a place to write, to share, to vent, to find the simple things and humor in my life.

A place where others can share their writing. I like reading other people’s thoughts and perceptions. Not enough people share of themselves in this, sometimes, impersonal world. So, let’s share away……