Sadly, I feel that hate has prevailed through the person I thought I knew and loved and trusted. There is nothing to do but to keep my chin up and carry on. It takes two, not just one, and the one he blames is me. If anyone has bad feelings about him it is because of ME, he said for sharing my feelings on Facebook. Still blaming me after 22 years and a divorce pending. It never has stopped and never will. He catches all my “mean” remarks in text messages, but yet seems to slam me more on the phone, where he can’t leave a trail of what he really is like. What is he like? I have no idea. I no longer know the person I married way back when. I know we turned each other into different people.
At this time, as always, anything that happens or will happen is my fault. I’m used to that. It’s happened too many times to count, followed by the days of silence and walking by without acknowledgement. I think I would rather be beat up than be emotionally dissed for as long as I was. Dang, I seriously started thinking it was ALL my fault. How crazy? My children have affirmed and reaffirmed that I am their mother and a loving mother at that and they are comforted by the fact they come first in my life. I am only responsible for my actions. I’m not one to say bad things about people, (although this past year brought out a Robin I didn’t know for a bit) I don’t feel as though I need to say anything bad about anyone. I TRULY believe in karma, no hate or discontent goes along with that, but I truly believe people will face experiences that will hurt them just as bad as they hurt any other. In the craziness of it all, I just hope those heartless and uncaring people learn something about love and compassion, so they CAN reach out and be human. And try to repair the relationships with my sons, without just keeping it superficial and “not talked about”.
I wish for people to just feel connected……..whether it is an occasional kind word or a short upbeat visit to say hi, just any gesture to make someone’s day a bit brighter. It has a great rippling effect and our world needs the rippling effect of love and compassion as well.
Okay, my blurb for now. Healing every single day. No time to extend energy to such unavailable people. Some people “get it” and some people “don’t have a clue” 😉 the best thing about it, I’m learning who is who 😉